English Guy Upset Because His Candy Bar Had A Huge Dick On It And It Ruined The Soccer Game He Was Watching

(Source) A lawyer was stunned when he unwrapped a Milkybar – and discovered this likeness of a penis imprinted on the snack. Eagle-eyed Robin Jacobs, 31, noticed that an indented image of a horse’s head looked like a giant phallus. The education lawyer believes the apparent presence of penis next to the famous Milkybar Kid is inappropriate for children. He said: ‘It was a little bit surprising, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it before that’s for sure.

‘What on earth is a penis doing on a children’s chocolate bar? There’s no point denying what it looks like. It is obvious – we can all see it.’ Mr Jacobs, from South Woodford, London, bought the 49p bar from a Tesco store to tuck into while watching the World Cup final on Sunday. He said: ‘I eat an awful lot of chocolate but I don’t often have Milkybars – in all honesty I only bought it because it was on offer. ‘I was eating it during the football match and I wasn’t really paying much attention. Then I looked down and I was surprised to see a massive penis staring up at me. Mr Jacobs, who normally sticks to Cadbury chocolate, opted for the Nestlé product for a change. He said: ‘I’m normally a Cadbury man but I decided to give the Milkybar a go and look what happened. ‘It’s a completely inappropriate picture. The penis in question is even bigger than the child – surely the people making the bar can see what it looks like.’  Mr Jacobs ate the Milkybar despite being put off. He added: ‘I never forget football matches and now the 2014 World Cup will always be remembered as the ‘Milkybar penis’ – it’s not a great way to reminisce about it.’

First of all, only assholes eat White Chocolate. They eat it so they can pretend to have refined taste and tell everyone how they enjoy white chocolate. Same with that super dark chocolate that people eat that tastes like coffee mixed with dirt. There’s just no way you can tell me when given all the chocolate in the world you pick white or dark over milk. Just admit you’re being a stuck up asshole and move on.

Now as for the penis on the candy bar case we’ve found ourselves in. I’m no lawyer here, but I did get a B in constitutional law Sophomore year of College. And the key point to this whole case is that the guy actually ate the chocolate. He looked down, he saw a big dick on his candy bar (it’s 100% a penis whether Nestle wants to admit it or not) and then he ate it. You can’t get mad about that. That’s like ordering a steak, eating 95% of it and then sending it back because it wasn’t cooked correctly. The minute you ate that chocolate penis you gave up all rights to be upset about the chocolate penis, and if we’re being truly honest with each other here I think you’re also technically guy now. You eat dicks for enjoyment, fact. Can’t be gayer than that.

PS

This might be the single most ridiculous thing ever said

‘I never forget football matches and now the 2014 World Cup will always be remembered as the ‘Milkybar penis’ – it’s not a great way to reminisce about it.’

Scarred from a chocolate penis that he ate anyway. #PrayForRobinJacobs